Today is certainly one of those days when I have wanted to sit down at my computer and write about at least 4 topics but it is after 8pm, the baby is in bed, and I am finally getting to my computer. Somedays feel like they move along so effortlessly and others feel like I am moving a beach one grain of sand at a time. Today was a sand-moving day.
I think that I am still exhausted after our long weekend and still trying to figure out where to put all of my thoughts, feelings, and emotions about the entire experience. Add to that the fact that I had a bizarre dream last night (the kind where you wake up and think that it could be true so it hangs with you for the entire day) and I have just not been able to shake this feeling of being 'off' today.
The first big thing that I am still battling is the differences between fathers & mothers. I think that D is an incredible husband and a wonderful father. We have an extremely strong relationship and we loved sharing 4 1/2 years of marriage before M's arrival in October. We have always lived our lives as strong individuals but we have also approached our marriage with a team approach; always leaning on each other and making big decisions together. This has been a really great way to approach things for us and I always though that we would do the same thing as parents. In my heart, I know that we will with regards to discipline, values/morals/ethics, etc etc etc. But, with M as a baby, it certainly hasn't felt that the "team approach" hasn't come easily. I think that this is pretty normal but it is proving to be a little bit tough. I am sure that I will be talking about this more...
The other 2 things that I am battling right now is a sense of losing myself a little bit and a major decision about heading back to work. Both big topics that I will get to at some point .... just not tonight. Must rest!
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