So I got sad....

Yesterday, I finished a full day of work and got into my car to see the clock reading 5:06pm.  I got on my way home and started to cry.  I know that Michael is doing a great job at Grammy's - in fact, he put himself down for BOTH of his naps yesterday with only a few minutes of crying - but I wish that I could be with him.  I am so glad that he is with Grammy and she is an incredibly positive and loving influence in his life but I can't help but wish that there was some way that I could be home more than just 1 day/week plus weekends. 

The report from Grammy's was awesome - got his diaper changed by two amazing uncles and learned to climb the stairs.  All of them.  I am so proud of the little man that he is, so easy-going and loving.  And, I really do take pride in knowing that David & I helped to shape his personality and disposition from the moment we decided to get pregnant.  I am so proud of our hard work as parents and I am grateful to have such a supportive and present partner in all of this. 

Time is flying by - we are about to start planning his 1st birthday party and we have to babyproof the house and get him a "big boy" car seat.  How did so much time go by so quickly???

Overnight success!!

M stayed at Nana's last night so D & I could attend a wedding and the report we got when we grabbed him today was that he put himself to sleep without so much as a peep (or a paci).  Good boy!!! 

Took a LONG (6 miles+) walk in Valley Forge Park this afternoon and it was just what we needed.  We were able to spend some wonderful quality time together before we begin our first week of both Mommy & Daddy working.  I know that M will do great with Grammy and we have a fun trip to the zoo planned for Thursday which will be fun. 

Watching M grow and develop every day is really remarkable.  I cannot believe that it is almost 10 months since M was born.  Time has really flown.  It seems impossible that we are starting to plan his 1st birthday party.  Unreal!!! 

Looking forward to seeing what our routine turn out to be as we start this new phase of life and feeling so grateful to have had so much time with my boy before heading back to work. 

Returning to Work tomorrow

Here I sit on the evening before I return to work full-time (4 days/week). M is sleeping peacefully after a fun play-day with family, D is cleaning up the kitchen after special take-out sushi to "celebrate" this final night of maternity leave, and I am in a funk.


I am in this weird middle-place between being sad to leave Michael and exhausted from no break with time to myself since ??.  I feel tired and unmotivated when the evening comes.  During the day, I am like a hurricane - playing with M or going to fun places with him and then tackling a million organizational tasks during his naps.  While times like this make me feel accomplished, I think that I am realizing that they also take away from "me" time because I spend so much time DOING and no time just relaxing.  To that end, my poor just got washed for the first time since SATURDAY MORNING!!!!!  That is disgusting!  (and sad...I am home all day long, every day). 
 
I feel so proud of M (and of D & I) because we persevered through this sleep-training and it worked.  M is putting himself to be beautifully at naps and at bedtime.  The last frontier, if you will, is to help M to resettle himself during wakes from naps.  He is able to do so at night but not during naps.  Maybe someday . . .
 
I packed a big box of supplies for Grammy's house and D dropped it off tonight so I wouldn't have to wrestle with it tomorrow morning.  I am just going to put together some sample "menus" of what M's meals have been like and a new daily routine so that she has it for reference, if she wants it.  I am guilt-ridden about this, even though I know that she is very excited and he will be great.  I just feel badly for taking her freedom away from her days and I feel jealous of their time together.  I know that it will be wonderful for both of them (and, frankly, for me) but the transition time is hard. 
 
I said to a friend this morning on our walk - it is hard knowing that the next time that I am not working full-time will be the next time I am on maternity leave.  That is bizarre to think about.  Who knows when that will be??
 
Onward I go ... wish me luck, universe. 

Sleep Training & Emotions

I am feeling a lot of different emotions about this sleep training thing. 

Last night, M did awesome.  David finished the bedtime routine and he put M in his crib.  M didn't cry once - he "talked" to himself for 15-20 minutes and went to sleep.  Today was a different story.  Had a great morning and walk and then I laid him down.  He didn't cry .... until 10 minutes later.  Then he wailed for 25 minutes before falling asleep. 

30 minutes later ... he was awake.  This is his "nap routine".  I can't figure out why he isn't staying asleep for his naps.  We have tried letting him cry and now we are following the advice to soothe him back to sleep.  I am not sure what our next step is. 

I was hoping to get him napping well (on his own) before heading back to work but I am not sure that is going to happen. If I can be honest, I don't think that it matters that much as Grammy & M will do their thing but it's like I needed a project to occupy me (us) before I head back to work.

Feeling sad about leaving him...I know that he will be fine but, to be frank, I am jealous that someone else will get to spend the days with him while I am with other people's kids. He is just so much fun and all I want to do is play with him and watch him figure things out. It just makes me sad.

Sleep Training Nights #5 and #6

M is getting better and better at putting himself to sleep. 

Yesterday, I laid him down awake for both of his naps and the morning took 40 minutes (not crying, just making noise) and the afternoon took 20 minutes (same as morning).  Last night, he was asleep after 20 minutes of talking to himself, including laughing at who knows what! 

This morning, he is in his crib talking up a storm (definitely tired after our walk) but just fighting the sleep a bit.  He is not crying - more talking with a few whimpers mixed in, which I have learned over the past few days means that he is tired and getting close to giving over.

I am going to keep up our routine and hope/pray that we are fairly well established by this time next week when I am scheduled to return to work. 

We shall see . . . .

Sleep Training Night #4

I am getting tired/worried re: sleep training. 

Last night, M did ok with bedtime routine but still cried/fussed for 25 minutes.  He cried harder tonight than last night (overly tired, perhaps?)  and he woke up twice.  One time, we just had to soothe him in the crib quickly and then leave him to cry again (5 minutes) but the other time he needed a poopy diaper changed and he woke up so we had to leave him to cry again (10 minutes or less).  Also - he just seemed mad. 

Maybe that was because we tried to nap train him that morning and let him cry for an hour (as per the book) and then soothed him so he could sleep.  He was so upset when I went in to him and it took 15 minutes of soothing him to get him to sleep and then he only slept for 30 minutes. 

I feel 100% confident that we are doing the right thing at night but I am not sold on the daytime stuff.  Ugh - this is hard. 

He fell asleep on our walk this morning and transferred for about 20 minutes when he woke up crying.  I went in and he just had this look of fear on his face.  I picked him up and he snuggled with me and went back to sleep.  He has now been sleeping for another 30 minutes. 

I just am so nervous about passing him off in a few short days to my mother-in-law without having some type of nap training in place.  I don't want him to be a miserable toddler with no naps but I also cannot ask her to nap train him. 

I am just sending up prayers that this week is the turning point. 

Did I mention that I also think that he is teething for his next set of bottom teeth??  Yeah - pretty sure. 

Good times. 

Sleep Training Night #3

We are making progress. 

After a wonderful day at the zoo AND 2 weird naps, M went down for a the night following our new routine.  He cut his crying/talking time from 40 minutes to 27 and most of it was spent "making noise", not crying. 

He was asleep by 7:30pm - peaceful and quiet.  We heard from him at 8:30ish and were concerned that he had pooped again.  We decided that I would go in and check, change him if necessary, and lay him back down.  I went in, checked him - no poop, so I handed him his pacifier and kissed his head and left.  He cried - hard - but was asleep in 6 minutes. 

Did not hear from him again until 6:20am this morning!!!  WOO HOO!!

D is home with M all day today and is not planning to go anywhere around naptime so he will do some nap training today.  We'll see!