Small breakthrough??

I was just writing with a friend about grief and pregnancy/parenthood and something occurred to me as I was writing to her.  I wonder if my bout of PPD had something to do with the fact that I had an emergency c-section and wasn't able to feel anything or push Michael out??  I know that it might be a long-shot and I don't mean any disrespect to anyone who suffered from PPD after a vaginal birth but I am just wondering if that wasn't some small (or not so small) part of it??? 

I was retelling her that I have been "cracking" (her word - love it) with my grief lately and that I have been telling D and my mom that I have wanted to bash my head against the wall sometimes ... literally.  Not to inflict pain on myself or anything but to just feel something strongly.  It has not been until just now that I have identified my feelings as being somewhat numb.  I think because I feel SO sad so much of the time that it seems almost like second nature that I didn't realize that my grief was numbing the depths to which I would feel my emotions before Megan died. 

So interesting the way our bodies, emotions, and minds work together . . .