Returning to Work tomorrow

Here I sit on the evening before I return to work full-time (4 days/week). M is sleeping peacefully after a fun play-day with family, D is cleaning up the kitchen after special take-out sushi to "celebrate" this final night of maternity leave, and I am in a funk.


I am in this weird middle-place between being sad to leave Michael and exhausted from no break with time to myself since ??.  I feel tired and unmotivated when the evening comes.  During the day, I am like a hurricane - playing with M or going to fun places with him and then tackling a million organizational tasks during his naps.  While times like this make me feel accomplished, I think that I am realizing that they also take away from "me" time because I spend so much time DOING and no time just relaxing.  To that end, my poor just got washed for the first time since SATURDAY MORNING!!!!!  That is disgusting!  (and sad...I am home all day long, every day). 
 
I feel so proud of M (and of D & I) because we persevered through this sleep-training and it worked.  M is putting himself to be beautifully at naps and at bedtime.  The last frontier, if you will, is to help M to resettle himself during wakes from naps.  He is able to do so at night but not during naps.  Maybe someday . . .
 
I packed a big box of supplies for Grammy's house and D dropped it off tonight so I wouldn't have to wrestle with it tomorrow morning.  I am just going to put together some sample "menus" of what M's meals have been like and a new daily routine so that she has it for reference, if she wants it.  I am guilt-ridden about this, even though I know that she is very excited and he will be great.  I just feel badly for taking her freedom away from her days and I feel jealous of their time together.  I know that it will be wonderful for both of them (and, frankly, for me) but the transition time is hard. 
 
I said to a friend this morning on our walk - it is hard knowing that the next time that I am not working full-time will be the next time I am on maternity leave.  That is bizarre to think about.  Who knows when that will be??
 
Onward I go ... wish me luck, universe.