Mommies don't get to choose . . .

Let me preface this by saying that I have a wonderful partner - my husband is loving, caring and dedicated to me and to his children.  He loves being a father to our boys and I am pretty confident that he also loves being married to me. 

But I have an observation that I don't think is unique to my family . . .

My darling husband is not a multi-tasker nor have his self-maintenance routines changed all that much since the arrival of our darling second child. 

Let me talk about multi-tasking.  As a mom of two who works outside of the home, I have had to implement somewhat stringent routines and schedules for myself so that our family time is maximized and we all get as much rest as possible.  Some of the things that we have done are to begin a schedule for preparing dinner, nights to do laundry/ironing, ideal times for working out/extracurricular outings/etc.  When I get up in the morning, I never stop moving.  I am constantly doing three things at once - getting ready while packing my pumping bag while heating milk for Michael and entertaining Gabriel.  I haven't left the house yet without having had both boys' diapers changed, my lunch packed, my pump packed, my coffee made, the dishwasher empty enough to fit the days' dishes OR cleared out b/c it was clean and full, a clean sink, etc.  I feel as though because we are blessed to have my mother-in-law come to our home to care for our boys, it is the least that I can do to set her up for success by having things organized.  Everything is ready to go and at her fingertips so that all she has to do is care for the boys. 

The end of the day is much the same.  I come in from work and say hello to my boys and if it is my night to cook, I prepare dinner & set the table while entertaining Michael or Gabriel and my hubby has the other child with him.  After dinner, we play and have fun but I always have my eye on the clock so that the boys can be cleaned up and in bed with relatively the same routine and at relatively the same time every night.  This concept seems to elude my husband.  More times than not, when I come in from work he is holding the baby and playing with Michael - both of which are great things - but he has not done anything else and he has been home for at least an hour.  The table hasn't been set, dishes haven't been cleaned and if he is cooking dinner he hasn't started anything.  I don't know why but this infuriates me.  We are very different people - I am a self-admitted Type A and he is much more free-spirited and laid back.  I know that my frustration is simply our different approaches to life coming to a head but I guess I feel like there should be some compromise. 

As for self-maintenance routines, I have switched everything around.  I shower at night so that the morning can be dedicated to my boys and getting out of the house.  I arranged my work schedule so that I can nurse G before I leave and as soon as I get home so that he only has to have 2 bottles during the day.  I wash my hair twice/week instead of every-other day.  I don't work out when I want to because it interferes with our current waking/eating routines.  I have to stick with this schedule or forgo something for myself (i.e. shower) so that my boys aren't compromised.  I cannot say the same for my husband.  He showers in the morning but always at varying times.  This can throw off our routine because it is actually easier for me to manage the morning with him out of the house.  If he is too tired to get up on time, it is almost like he gets in my way.  I want to get up and make the bed but I can't do that if he is in it and I don't have time to do it later after he has decided to get up. 

I am working hard to figure out the balance.  I feel like I have shifted everything for my children and for my job and I just don't feel the same.  Is this simply working motherhood or do I have the right to demand what I need from someone when it is so foreign to his natural way of doing things? 

Favorite Mommy Apps

Yes, I am one of those annoying people who has their iPhone attached to them at all times.  I was always a 'pen & paper' kind of girl until I went hunting for apps and found my phone to be the most convenient tool out there to manage my crazy life. 

Here are just a few of the apps that I am enjoying now:

1) Weight Watchers Mobile: As a mom who just recently gave birth, I am back on Weight Watchers to lose this baby weight and find that the WW mobile app is great for tracking points, weigh-ins, water/fruit/veggie intake, and recipes. 
2) bloom:  a free app that allows you to set up regular reminders to keep yourself balanced.  For example, throughout the day a little text message appears on my screen reminding me to drink a glass of water, get some fresh air, hug my partner, take a 1-minute tropical vacation, etc.  A great tool for Mom's who do too much!
3) Instagram: a great way to share photos and preserve beautiful memories of your growing & busy family
4) Nook & Kindle apps: during late night nursing or soothing sessions, my e-books keep me awake and engaged but keep the room dark so my little one can sleep
5) Toddler Cards: this is the only app that I paid anything for ($1.99) and it has been worth every cent.  My 2-year-old has been playing with this since he was 10 months old and can now fully operate it on his own.  There are various flash cards of animals, shapes, food, colors, things, etc. and you flip through the flashcards and see the picture, the word and hear the word.  You can select English, French or Spanish.  A great time-occupyer in line at the market, while waiting for the doctor or while nursing another baby. 

Hope that you find these helpful!

Pumping ... not for the faint of heart

Pumping is not easy.  I am grateful to not have any trouble with supply and know that for many nursing mamas, pumping can really deplete supply.  I am not complaining about that and I certainly have empathy for all of those mamas who are in that situation. 

But I am just annoyed with pumping and it is only my second week back to work.  I love my company and I feel supported to continue breastfeeding and, consequently, pumping.  (again, no room to complain here) But I am annoyed that I have to balance all of this.  I work in a job that requires me to travel among 10+ various locations and with that comes the need to identify the same number of locations in which I can pump.  We generally do not have private rooms or offices as space is a hot commodity.  Today I am in someone's office while they are off doing another job duty and only am using this because I know that she was a pumping mama a few months ago and she offered her space to me.  In a young organization such as ours, I may be the first person asking for space to do my motherly duty. 

I now understand why working mamas give up breastfeeding or supplement with formula while at work.  The part that upsets me is that something completely unrelated to my family (my job!) is going to continually test my endurance to FEED MY CHILD in the way that I want to.  Seems like a non sequitur. 

I will be reaching out to other pumping mamas for support and will continue to re-evaluate my professional role so that my priorities remain appropriately aligned - with my family coming first. 

So glad that I read The Milk Memos before heading back to work.  Helping me to keep my sanity.