Let me preface this by saying that I have a wonderful partner - my husband is loving, caring and dedicated to me and to his children. He loves being a father to our boys and I am pretty confident that he also loves being married to me.
But I have an observation that I don't think is unique to my family . . .
My darling husband is not a multi-tasker nor have his self-maintenance routines changed all that much since the arrival of our darling second child.
Let me talk about multi-tasking. As a mom of two who works outside of the home, I have had to implement somewhat stringent routines and schedules for myself so that our family time is maximized and we all get as much rest as possible. Some of the things that we have done are to begin a schedule for preparing dinner, nights to do laundry/ironing, ideal times for working out/extracurricular outings/etc. When I get up in the morning, I never stop moving. I am constantly doing three things at once - getting ready while packing my pumping bag while heating milk for Michael and entertaining Gabriel. I haven't left the house yet without having had both boys' diapers changed, my lunch packed, my pump packed, my coffee made, the dishwasher empty enough to fit the days' dishes OR cleared out b/c it was clean and full, a clean sink, etc. I feel as though because we are blessed to have my mother-in-law come to our home to care for our boys, it is the least that I can do to set her up for success by having things organized. Everything is ready to go and at her fingertips so that all she has to do is care for the boys.
The end of the day is much the same. I come in from work and say hello to my boys and if it is my night to cook, I prepare dinner & set the table while entertaining Michael or Gabriel and my hubby has the other child with him. After dinner, we play and have fun but I always have my eye on the clock so that the boys can be cleaned up and in bed with relatively the same routine and at relatively the same time every night. This concept seems to elude my husband. More times than not, when I come in from work he is holding the baby and playing with Michael - both of which are great things - but he has not done anything else and he has been home for at least an hour. The table hasn't been set, dishes haven't been cleaned and if he is cooking dinner he hasn't started anything. I don't know why but this infuriates me. We are very different people - I am a self-admitted Type A and he is much more free-spirited and laid back. I know that my frustration is simply our different approaches to life coming to a head but I guess I feel like there should be some compromise.
As for self-maintenance routines, I have switched everything around. I shower at night so that the morning can be dedicated to my boys and getting out of the house. I arranged my work schedule so that I can nurse G before I leave and as soon as I get home so that he only has to have 2 bottles during the day. I wash my hair twice/week instead of every-other day. I don't work out when I want to because it interferes with our current waking/eating routines. I have to stick with this schedule or forgo something for myself (i.e. shower) so that my boys aren't compromised. I cannot say the same for my husband. He showers in the morning but always at varying times. This can throw off our routine because it is actually easier for me to manage the morning with him out of the house. If he is too tired to get up on time, it is almost like he gets in my way. I want to get up and make the bed but I can't do that if he is in it and I don't have time to do it later after he has decided to get up.
I am working hard to figure out the balance. I feel like I have shifted everything for my children and for my job and I just don't feel the same. Is this simply working motherhood or do I have the right to demand what I need from someone when it is so foreign to his natural way of doing things?
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